I was thinking yesterday that when I grow up, I want there to be two of me. So often, I just need to be more than one place at a time. I have so much to do. I have so many people I need to interact with in some way. The people in my life need me at all times! I am just so important.
Wednesday, I took the girls to CF clinic. I wasn't prepared for Dr. Sindel's verdict of I.V. meds for Sarah. We have all had a little cold and there had been a strange virus running around Summer Scholars. Still, I didn't think she was really that sick. However, after doing a pulmonary function test (PFT), and finding that her lung functions had fallen off significantly, he wanted to hospitalize her. Well, upon reflection, and after Sarah burst into tears, we decided to run her mid-line as an out patient procedure and do I.V. meds at home. This was an excellent plan. The only problem was that I was teaching Yoga, and the final day of the class was Friday, the same morning Sarah's mid-line was to be run. Parents were scheduled to come and participate in Yoga with their children.
I really needed to be with Sarah. I always stay with the girls when procedures are done. You see, I provide a spiritual, calming influence to soothe and nurture them through the trauma of the procedure. It's what I do. It's my role as CF Mom Extrodinaire.
But, I also really needed to be at the last day of my Yoga class. I knew that Kenna could handle it. She really did a wonderful job helping me teach the class. The point was that I needed to be there for the last day to provide some closure, not just for the students, but for me as well. The first week of Yoga, we focus on getting in touch with our own Divine nature. It is very much an individual process. The second week, we explore our connectivity to one another... The fact that as each of us has a spark of the Divine, we are truly One in Spirit. We had entered the journey together and I didn't want to end abruptly by just not being there on the last day.
I was in quite a quandry. I had no clear direction with what to do. But then, there was Dave. He is in grad school this summer, but he didn't have class that morning and was able to take Sarah to have her line placed. I wasn't sure he would be able to do it, since he is her step-dad. Generally, I sign all the medical paperwork. But, as it turned out, that really didn't matter. Sarah is fortunate enough to have four parents and I'm sure any one of us could seek medical care if we needed to do so. Still, don't miss the point. Remember, I needed to be there. Sarah needed me! She needed my calming influence... My "visualize yourself on the beach... relax and know that you are One with the One" treatment. Dave, while I love his discipline and sometimes autistic craving of routine, is not lovey, touchy, feely about things. He is more apt to say, "O.K. enough of this crap. Let's suck it up and get on with it."
Reluctantly, I decided Dave should take Sarah and I should attend my last day of class. I was a little preoccupied in class until I heard from them. Dave called to tell me everything went fine and they got the line on the first try. I was able to finish my class and clean up afterward. It was very anti-climactic. I spoke to Sarah and she said she did fine... Didn't even cry.
Kenna called last night to see how Sarah was doing. She said, "Hmm... Maybe you learned a lesson that maybe they can handle it without you." Ha! Don't be ridiculous. Of course they can't handle it without me. But maybe, just maybe, I'm not as important as I believe myself to be. Maybe if we are truly One in Spirit, there doesn't need to be more than one of me. Surely God can work through Dave and other people who don't do things the way I do. Perhaps that is what it means when God is described as Omnipotent and Omnipresent. God works through all people together, using each person's unique gifts and abilities for good.
Danielle is doing very well on the new TIP therapy. Her PFTs are higher than they have ever been. We are very excited about this new delivery method. I hope approval goes quickly through the FDA.
Perhaps all things are working together in ways that I don't understand. And, maybe I am understanding that I am important, but not so important that there needs to be two of me. Sometimes I think it might be O.K. for God's other children to step in and work together.
~Namaste'~
3 comments:
Isn't there always a larger coherence, a pattern we can only intuit (and therefore have to keep returning our attention to)?
Like many spiritual seekers, Thoreau talked about a sense of doubleness that was always with him. He said he was conscious of a watcher within that stood aside from all his experiences, regarding them. This isn't the same, I realize, as a second pair of hands to help with the pragmatics of life. But perhaps it is equally necessary. And maybe it is the kind of discipline we practice through blogs like these.
True... true... I have heard that people can be either a good example or a horrible warning. As Thoreau's "watcher", I can be both for my very own self!
Namaste',
Christy
That reminds me, you might want to get your hands on a copy of "The Language of God" by Dr. Francis Collins. He was head of the human genome project and did extensive research in the field of CF. I just finished reading the book for the second time. As a woman of faith, a CF patient, and a scientist, I was so edified and astounded by it. Highly recommended!
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