That Illusive Something

My daughters, Danielle and Sarah, both have cystic fibrosis (CF). Cystic fibrosis is a genetic disorder that affects primarily the respiratory and digestive systems. Please visit http://www.cff.org/ for more information. Last month, Danielle was hospitalized. She received two weeks of I.V. antibiotic therapy. This month, Sarah had to go. In fact, we were just released the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. The girls usually stay in the hospital for a couple of days and return home to finish I.V. therapy for 2 or 3 weeks at home. So, right now, we are doing home I.V. therapy for Sarah. We just finished Dan's not long ago. The stress of hospitalization always leaves me feeling overwhelmed and tired. It is in these times that I know I am powered by a Greater Source. People always ask, "How do you do it?" Well, I rely on God, and take little baby-steps and the rest seems to work out.

My greatest hope is that my children will embrace faith for their own lives. For so many years I searched and searched for that illusive something in places that it simply couldn't be found. I know now I was searching for God. I have settled into a comfortable relationship with spirit... This God that I know is all loving, all kind, and all forgiving. And, most of the time, if I can get out of the way, that relationship drives everything I do... The trick is to get out of the way.

This year has been all about surrender for me... We implemented an inclusive special education program at the elementary school where I teach last year. (Yes, I am aware that the majority of the country has been doing it for ages, but remember, I am in Mississippi.) I am primarily responsible for scheduling the special needs students and support staff. I also provide inclusion services to students. Last year, the program was a wonderful success. This year, we have experienced many growing pains. However, I know at a spiritual level that we are doing the right thing for children. I also believe that we are doing a better job providing support staff to regular educators than many programs in other parts of the country. Not everyone shares my vision. This year, I am weary from having to defend the program. But, I should also add that many teachers support the program and work their rear ends off to insure it is successful. They are as dedicated as I am... Sometimes more. The thing that I know is that the opposite of inclusion is exclusion. Exclusionary programming is far easier. I have often felt like I should "take my kids, run away and teach them myself". That isn't life, though. We all have to be a part of the world. And, we have a spiritual responsibility to be a part of the world. We all come here with whatever challenges we were given... Learning disabilities, behavior challenges, mental retardation, physical limitations, health care needs... I believe these challenges work in some way I can't possibly begin to understand for God to create a better world. Just because I can't see it right away, doesn't mean it isn't happening. So, when faced with yet another problem with inclusion this year, I am trying to hold on to that vision. I also recognize that I don't have to do it alone.

That brings me to the house... Yesterday, drywall was supposed to be delivered, but it never happened. Even in the midst of that, I just said, "Thank you, God" because all things seem to be working out better than I could imagine. I am certain everything is happening exactly as it should. Hopefully this week the electrician will come out, the cabinet maker will begin work, and we will order the tile. I scraped a little more of the ugly linoleum up out of the dining room. I have decided it is my job to erradicate that hateful pattern from the world! I'm attaching a picture of my friend, Kenna, scraping the disgusting linoleum shortly after the hurricane. She had the wonderful odor of hurricane swamp water in the air when she came to help!

Love and Light to all who read this! Namaste'!