Please consider this post, a public apology. Life has been overwhelming for me lately. I have had a lot on my plate, but have continued to barrel through as if I am perfectly able to handle anything that is presented. I'm actually sure that last statement is true if I am reliant upon God to guide my behavior and words. That didn't happen on Friday. I completely blew it at work. By jumping to conclusions that were completely unfounded, I single-handedly made two of my favorite teachers and co-workers cry. I accused them of "not being team players" and being "passive-aggressive". After talking things out and realizing I was completely off-base, I profusely apologized. However, I realize that isn't enough. When I roar through someone's life, without consideration, more than an apology is needed. An amend is in order.
Amend means "to change". I intend to change my behavior and insure that I do not behave in a similar fashion to hurt anyone else. In the course of the debriefing afterward, my co-worker shared with me that she feels so much pressure at work. She feels I create a demanding atmosphere, and because everyone so wants to please me, they are walking around on eggshells. I am very much a child advocate, and I always
approach each situation with "What is best for the child?" Given this "high moral platitude", it is difficult for anyone to present a reasonable argument against anything I say, even when there are sometimes very ligitimate ideas that need to be considered with regard to whole programming and the running of a school. My friend and co-worker didn't know it, but when she used the phrase "walking on eggshells", I really stopped to evaluate everything. As a child, I felt very much like that... My father was an abusive alcoholic. We always felt as if we were walking on eggshells, trying to keep the peace in our home. I hated that feeling. So, the fact that my dear friend used that particular phrase really opened my eyes to the seriousness of my behavior. If this is a trend with me, I intend to do whatever is necessary to change. Truly, I appreciate my situation at work. I work with a fabulous team of women and love each of them for their unique talents and personalities. Together, we bring wonderful opportunities to the children with whom we work. Also, I fully believe that God brought us together to do the things we do. Given that, why on earth am I storming around seeing conflict where there is none?
I always tell my students, "O.K., how do we eat an elephant?" They respond, "One bite at a time..." And, then we start. This week has been an elephant that has been tough and chewy. I have just had one "event" after another. I need to remember to be especially careful when life is particularly full. I have had an awful lot on my plate lately: rebuilding my house after Katrina, the girls have been hospitalized twice, softball for Dan, dance class for Sarah, dances, band concerts, paperwork at home and paperwork at work... I'm overwhelmed. Instead of trying to cram more than one bite of elephant in my mouth to expedite the process, I just need to sit and chew slowly. The thing that I need to remember is that everyone is always in the process of eating their own elephant too. But, maybe if I am open, I can get advice on how to swallow the especially tough bits that someone else has already had to eat.
I sincerely apologize to my wonderful co-workers. Perhaps after a while of real positive change, I can rebuild some of the damage that was done.
All of that being said, the girls are doing beautifully with regard to their health. We had a CF appointment a two weeks ago and Dr. Sindel pronounced Dan "healthier than she has been since 2002". He put both girls on different medications this time and the I.V. meds he chose really seemed to help. He also lent us a little portable nebulizer machine for Danielle to take on her trip to Italy. It is nice to know that she will be leaving the country in optimal health.
Last night, Danielle attended her 8th grade formal. The picture above is Dan in her finest dress. Jeremiah, her boyfriend, brought her a beautiful corsage and gave it to her at the dance. I don't have a picture of the two of them together because I was told she was going to have her picture professionally taken. Well, she got there and the "line was too long", and by the time she got in line for pictures they stopped taking them. I am really bummed out about that, but she insists that other people took photos, so maybe a copy will come out of that. Next time, I will know my daughter well enough to take the photo myself.
Mom sent me a great quote this weekend... Probably because she knows I have been beating myself up about the incident at work on Friday. "I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business." ~ Michael J. Fox
Namaste'
