Garage Sale and the Great Cat Caper

Saturday was a very busy day for us... We had a garage sale in an attempt to clear out much of the "stuff" that had accumulated in our shed. It was a great success! We made a couple hundred dollars twenty-five cents at a time. And, as a bonus, we met many unusual, colorful people, all of whom seemed to take great delight in frequenting garage sales.

As for myself, I'm not really a garage sale gal. I have been to some, but usually, I look around and see a bunch of junk. Then I think to myself, " I have my own junk. Why on earth would I want anyone else's?" Mom, however, is a garage sale type. Not that she really frequents garage sales, but she has the potential. She can look at junk and see treasure. I don't have that ability most of the time.

Still, the people who arrived at my garage sale at 6:30 a.m., (scheduled to begin at 8:00 a.m.), were characters in their own right. One lady with a very ample behind, bought almost all of the girls pants. I couldn't help but wonder if the girls slim-fit pants were going to fit anyone in her family if genetics truly plays a part in body type. Another lady came and bought all of the girls shoes. She said, "At 25 cents a pair, I will find someone who can wear them." I guess I kind of admire that because I definitely would not go scouting Gautier for someone to wear the shoes... It has nothing to do with the fact that it makes me reminisce about Prince Charming and glass slippers. I simply don't need another responsibility. Finding someone to wear shoes definitely falls into the "one more thing" category. Other people came, some buying things while others just looked and left. Since Dave and I are people watchers, we just really enjoyed them all.

One of the people who came to check things out was our neighbor, Ms. Emily. Ms. Emily is also a special education teacher, but for the Moss Point School District. She is really a wonderful lady. She walks her three-legged dog each day, and is just a really good neighbor to everyone on the street. Her home was also damaged in the storm and she is working steadily to rebuild. As everyone does, we were comparing notes and Dave took her in the house to show her our progress while asking about hers. Dave came back out of the house with Ms. Emily and after the customer flow had died down he said, "We need to talk. I feel terrible. I mentioned all of the cats that we have living around here and she said, 'I used to have cats... A mama and four kittens, but someone stole them while I was on vacation.'" (For more information, you need to read my blog entitled "Yoga and the Cat Rescue Mission".) When I asked Dave what he said, he explained that he didn't say anything. "What was I supposed to say," he stammered, "my wife and my mother-in-law stole your cats?" A while later Mom came over and we relayed the story to her. Of course, we agreed that we needed to confess and tell Ms. Emily what happened.

The confession happened tonight. I saw Ms. Emily walking her dog. I went down, knocked on her trailer and let the whole story tumble out of my mouth. Mom and J.R. joined me part way through the confession. Ms. Emily was so sweet about it all. She was just grateful that the kittens had homes and that Misty, the mama cat, had been fixed. So, all ended well. Thank goodness. I didn't relish the idea of getting a reputation for cat napping.

Carpet was installed in Danielle's room yesterday and her furniture was delivered. We also received a visit from the electrician, and were delighted to hear that our dishwasher had arrived at Sears. Everything seemed to happen at once, but it was all in Divine Order. There was no earthly way all of that activity could have been orchestrated in just a few hours. Still, now we are so close to being completely in our kitchen once and for all. If the Roto Rooter man shows up tomorrow, I will have running water in my kitchen. It is such an exciting prospect.

The picture above is the cohort my husband was a member of for a year and a half. As you can see, he was the only man. I appreciate these lovely ladies for taking such good care of him.

Namaste'

Three Times Equals God Talking

I have a rule that was established early in my life... When I was 17, I had a wonderful mentor, Diane, who told me, "If you hear it once, listen... If you hear it twice, listen harder... And, if you hear it three times, it is God talking. You better do whatever you heard." This has become a hard and fast rule for my life. There are times when I can follow God's guidance without having to hear it three times. I celebrate the times when I "intuitively know". However, I am certain there are things I have heard more than three times, but I wasn't listening. I imagine God tapping Her foot and shaking Her head during those times.

Yesterday, at church, I had the opportunity to meet the wonderful Reverend Leo Booth, known to many as Father Leo. Father Leo was raised Catholic, became an Episcopal Priest and later became a Unity minister. He also works closely with persons suffering from alcoholism and a host of other addictions. I was able to spend a little time conversing with Father Leo. What a blessing! I shared with him that I had been taking the Unity Today course online, with the ultimate goal of becoming a Licensed Unity Teacher. He listened intently and said, "Now, why wouldn't you want to be a minister?" Father Leo is originally from England. Perhaps his accent is the thing that makes his words sound so much more important. Later, when I was bidding him good-bye before Reverend Christy (our minister) took him to the airport, he again said, "I think you want to be a minister."

The thing that Father Leo, or anyone else for that matter, didn't know is that this summer while teaching Yoga, I really had a sense that I am supposed to do something else... Something to enhance the spiritual development of people here on the Gulf Coast. It would be wonderful to have some type of wellness center to support people of all faiths. The thing I know for sure is that teaching in a public school is indeed rewarding, but there are moments I have clearly seen that the solution we are seeking in education is a spiritual one... American education is attempting to fix all of society's ailments, and failing miserably in its attempt. Schools are responsible for academic achievement of all students. We have implemented character development programs, parent outreach programs, and most recently, the state is pushing for fitness and wellness programs because our students are too fat. Schools are trying to fix all of society's problems. But, what if society's problem is that of spiritual ailment?

The thing I know is that while the statistics don't show our schools as successful, I received a letter from a former student. Michael was in my resource class during his 4th and 5th grade school years. He is now living in Maryland and is performing well in all regular education classes. At Danielle's registration at Gautier High School, I was approached by a young man in an ROTC uniform that inquired, "Aren't you Ms. Maxwell? You were my favorite teacher." One at a time, I have been able to make a difference. That's because Spirit touches people's lives. God makes the difference. I try to bring a level of love, acceptance and honor to each of my students. If I'm successful, then God has worked through me. However, I am limited with what I can say and do in public school. What would it be like if I were able to work with learning disabilities by teaching students meditation to work through mental blocks? I do teach some meditation strategies, but again, I walk a line with regard to the mention of God. Then, understand that I am in the deep south. Most people here still regard God as the man in the big chair up in the sky with the long, flowing white beard. Any idea that threatens that idea is sometimes not met kindly.

So far, though, I have been presented with wonderful opportunities to "minister" to children, even in the absence of being a formally trained minister. My position as an inclusion teacher, my Summer Scholars Yoga class, my position as a Unity Sunday School teacher, and my role as Mom to two lovely daughters with significant health challenges have all afforded me opportunities to teach children ways of becoming aware of the Christ presence within. Further, every experience allows me a choice to draw closer to God, becoming more willing to listen and follow the guidance I'm given. Whether or not I always hear or follow is another matter altogether.

The main thing that is different about me today versus a few years ago is that I am willing. I want God's will in my life today. I'm no longer afraid of anything God has in store for me. I know that I will be given the strength and wherewithall to do whatever I am called to do. So, I hear it once... I listen. I hear it twice... I listen harder... I hear it three times, and it is God talking. Only once in a while do I respond, "God? You can't be serious! O.K. O.K. I'll do it."

~Namaste'~

Bring It On Home

I've just awakened from the most wonderful dream. Or, perhaps, I've had an awakening because of a wonderful dream... In my dream, I was lying in bed sleeping and God was singing to me. He/She was singing the words in the chorus of Little Big Town's, "Bring It On Home". I awoke feeling so loved and comforted. Here are the lyrics:

You've got someone here
Wants to make it all right
Someone to love you more
Than I have right here
You've gotta bring it on and I'll hold you tight
A hand to lead you on through the night right here
I know your heart can get
All tangled up inside
But don't you keep it to yourself

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
When the weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me

You know I know you
Like the back of my hand
You know I'm gonna do
All that I can right here
Gonna lie with you
Till you fall asleep
When the morning comes
I'm still gonna be right here
Yes, I am
(Ooooooooooooo)
So take your worries and
Just drop them at the door
Baby, leave it all behind

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
When the weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me

Baby, let me be your safe harbor
Don't let the water come
And carry you away

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
When the weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me

Oh, bring it on home
Oh, bring it on home to me
Home to me
Oh, bring it on, bring it on home
to me

You've got someone here wants
To make it all right
Someone who loves you more
Than life right here

I plan to purchase this CD as soon as I can. It has to be significant when God sings to a person. Or maybe God is always singing, and I had to be asleep to hear it.

Yesterday, I was talking to my friend, Amy, about privacy versus secrecy. I have heard a saying in my traveling circles, "You are only as sick as your secrets." My mom always says that we need to get secrets out in the open so God's light can shine on them and reveal the Truth. Obviously, I don't have many secrets. I broadcast my life on a blog. But, I do have things that are private... Things I only share with close friends. Other things I share, people probably wish I only shared them with close friends! I'm usually just right out there.

The secrets I harbor are the ones in my thoughts most of the time... These are the things I usually feel guilty for thinking. Sometimes my thoughts can start feelings that run off in all directions. Most of the time, it stops there, but sometimes it flows out of my mouth to others. I do believe all of the Biblical references with regard to the power of the tongue. Jesus said something to the effect of: It is not what you put into your mouth that defiles you (referencing eating certain foods considered unclean), but what comes out of it in the form of words.

Even more than that, though, my thoughts can make me crazy... Those secret desires, secret resentments, secret shameful ponderings... Most of the time, I just share them with the people I trust in my life. But, I need to make sure I'm going God daily with these secrets. Afterall, He/She knows anyway... "When your long day is over, and you can barely drag your feet; the weight of the world is on your shoulders. I know what you need. Bring it on home to me." O.K. Thanks, God.

~Namaste'~

Shopping in the Dark

Wednesday, I went school shopping with the girls after Sarah's follow-up visit with Dr. Sindel. We visited numerous stores and got lots of clothing that can pass for uniform. Our school district requires a dress code. Khaki and navy pants, along with polo shirts in red, blue and white primarily describe what the girls must wear to school each day. Personally, I don't believe in uniforms. I could care less what the kids wear. I just don't want to look at anyone's thong or butt crack while attempting to instruct my class. Still, it is a requirement of our district, and I teach my girls to follow the rules, even if they are stupid. Well, actually, that isn't entirely true. I teach my girls to know what the rules are so that they might know how far to push the envelope. I mean if "rules" are blatantly wrong, like discrimination or animal cruelty, we stand firmly against those societal rules. But, if something is simply an annoyance, we try to work within the system. I have also taught my girls, (and sometimes this has come back to haunt me), that good kids can push the uniform code more than badly behaved kids. This might be unfair, but it goes to basic teacher-nature... The girls are well-mannered and do what they are asked to do. Given that, they are generally allowed to wear clothing that fits the basic color and style without too much hassle. Thus, our shopping experience usually involves going to various stores that do not sell the approved uniform brands.

We visited Parisians first. The girls informed me that Kristine, their step-mom, takes them there all the time. So, I weaved in and out of very lovely clothes for about a minute and a half before spotting a pair of jeans that cost $140. The next blouse I spied was $90. I cautiously crept over to a beautiful sundress and looked with one eye squinted to see a pricetag of $260. At this point, I think I began to hyperventilate. I was praying to click my heels together three times and be magically transported to a T.J. Max. Alas, when I opened my eyes, Parisians still surrounded me. I instructed the girls to keep their heads down and run stealthily through the store as not to be tempted by anything before we made our way out into the mall. Thankfully, as we exited, there was a Payless to the left. We went in and browsed. We didn't purchase anything, but it calmed me down a bit, so I was able to continue on the shopping venture.

Next, we went to J.C. Penney's, which always has a good selection of khaki pants. We were able to buy several pairs for both girls. I still felt entirely confident at this point. J.C. Penney is within my realm of experience. I'm comfortable. I shop there for myself. Nice, fashionable clothes, at nice affordable prices... Maybe they should contact me to do a commercial.

We left the safety and comfort of J.C. Penney to venture into the rest of the mall. I visited The Children's Place with Sarah, which left me feeling nostalgic for a time when I could dress my girls in cute little clothes, as long as they didn't itch. We went to Aeropostle, which has hip, cool clothes that are not exactly my style, but the girls love them. Then, we made our way further down the mall toward Abercrombie and Fitch. I have been in there before. It is a weird shopping experience, but nothing compared to Hollister. We arrived at Hollister before Abercrombie. Kacey, Dan's friend was with us and she said, "Oh look, it's Hollister!" Dan replied, "Where?" I could understand Dan's question since the storefront had no name identifying it, with the exception of a partially covered name behind a large palm-type tree and two ratty-looking chairs in the store entry way.

"What's Hollister?" I inquired as I walked up the steps into the store. Immediately, upon entering, I had to stop and stand still for a moment. Mind you, I wasn't struck by the majesty of the clothing displays. My eyes had to adjust to the dark. I thought for a moment I had accidentally entered a nightclub, but the lack of cigarette smoke tipped me to the fact that this was something different all together. The only illumination shining came from spot-lights strategically placed around the shop. The spot-lights focused on ratty, torn clothes. The shirts are three-sizes smaller than the size on the tag. The shorts for girls are beyond short. They could best be described as cotton bikini underwear. As I gained my bearings, I realized I was in a surf shop. I'm a Florida girl! I am familiar with surf shops! Numerous visits to Ron Jon's are memories from my youth. I fondly remember this little skirt I owned that was probably obscene for its time. It was a peach Jimmy Z wrap skirt that hooked by means of velcro at the waist. We had vans... We bought blocks of Sex Wax to chew in lieu of bubble gum. I know about surfing. I dated surfers. My brother was a skater. So, this was the modern-day surf shop. I should be in my element. But, gosh it was dark. I looked hopefully around and noticed that the girls were all thin and blond and beautiful. Dan and Sarah fit perfectly. I looked down at myself. I was wearing a sheer gypsy-style paisley shirt and crop pants. When I purchased the shirt at Sears, I thought it was really groovy. It expressed my bohemian tendencies. As I looked down at my shirt in Hollister, though, I was reminded of someone's grandmother. Slowly, a horrible realization was beginning to dawn on me. I'm not that young bikini-clad girl that strolled Cocoa and Daytona and occasionally rode in small waves on my boyfriend's surfboard. As the moment of clarity further descended upon me, the young, hot twenty-something boy sauntered over to me. I perked up momentarily until he asked, "Ma'm, can I help you find something?" I looked down at my grandma-clad body and humbly mumbled, "No, Dear... I'm just looking."

On a brighter note, Sarah's visit went well. Her lung functions have improved after two weeks of I.V. antibiotic. Her line was removed yesterday. We had a rougher time with this I.V. therapy because her mid-line went bad last week and we had to visit the E.R. to have a regular periferial line run. Still, she was able to finish her therapy. Dr. Sindel said she isn't as healthy as the PFT indicated in April, but that is somewhat of a blessing. She didn't qualify for the TIP study that Dan is currently enrolled in because her lung functions were too high. Now, Dr. Cowan is going to try to requalify her for the new drug study. We are excited and grateful for the possibility. Sarah is also more willing to participate in the study since she has seen what a great thing it has been for her sister.

Speaking of sisters... I would like to ask everyone to hold visions of perfect health and wellness for my dear sister, Micki. I don't want to say anymore at this time, but if you are reading this and you pray, please just take a moment to hold my sister in love and light.

I am taking an online class called "Unity for Today". It has been wonderfully enlightening. I would eventually like to go on to become a Licensed Unity Teacher. That means a lot more spiritual development on my end. I believe that God can use me... Even if I am just a grandma-shirt clad lady cruising surf shops in the dark.


~Namaste'~ Christy

A Need for Cloning

I was thinking yesterday that when I grow up, I want there to be two of me. So often, I just need to be more than one place at a time. I have so much to do. I have so many people I need to interact with in some way. The people in my life need me at all times! I am just so important.

Wednesday, I took the girls to CF clinic. I wasn't prepared for Dr. Sindel's verdict of I.V. meds for Sarah. We have all had a little cold and there had been a strange virus running around Summer Scholars. Still, I didn't think she was really that sick. However, after doing a pulmonary function test (PFT), and finding that her lung functions had fallen off significantly, he wanted to hospitalize her. Well, upon reflection, and after Sarah burst into tears, we decided to run her mid-line as an out patient procedure and do I.V. meds at home. This was an excellent plan. The only problem was that I was teaching Yoga, and the final day of the class was Friday, the same morning Sarah's mid-line was to be run. Parents were scheduled to come and participate in Yoga with their children.

I really needed to be with Sarah. I always stay with the girls when procedures are done. You see, I provide a spiritual, calming influence to soothe and nurture them through the trauma of the procedure. It's what I do. It's my role as CF Mom Extrodinaire.

But, I also really needed to be at the last day of my Yoga class. I knew that Kenna could handle it. She really did a wonderful job helping me teach the class. The point was that I needed to be there for the last day to provide some closure, not just for the students, but for me as well. The first week of Yoga, we focus on getting in touch with our own Divine nature. It is very much an individual process. The second week, we explore our connectivity to one another... The fact that as each of us has a spark of the Divine, we are truly One in Spirit. We had entered the journey together and I didn't want to end abruptly by just not being there on the last day.

I was in quite a quandry. I had no clear direction with what to do. But then, there was Dave. He is in grad school this summer, but he didn't have class that morning and was able to take Sarah to have her line placed. I wasn't sure he would be able to do it, since he is her step-dad. Generally, I sign all the medical paperwork. But, as it turned out, that really didn't matter. Sarah is fortunate enough to have four parents and I'm sure any one of us could seek medical care if we needed to do so. Still, don't miss the point. Remember, I needed to be there. Sarah needed me! She needed my calming influence... My "visualize yourself on the beach... relax and know that you are One with the One" treatment. Dave, while I love his discipline and sometimes autistic craving of routine, is not lovey, touchy, feely about things. He is more apt to say, "O.K. enough of this crap. Let's suck it up and get on with it."

Reluctantly, I decided Dave should take Sarah and I should attend my last day of class. I was a little preoccupied in class until I heard from them. Dave called to tell me everything went fine and they got the line on the first try. I was able to finish my class and clean up afterward. It was very anti-climactic. I spoke to Sarah and she said she did fine... Didn't even cry.

Kenna called last night to see how Sarah was doing. She said, "Hmm... Maybe you learned a lesson that maybe they can handle it without you." Ha! Don't be ridiculous. Of course they can't handle it without me. But maybe, just maybe, I'm not as important as I believe myself to be. Maybe if we are truly One in Spirit, there doesn't need to be more than one of me. Surely God can work through Dave and other people who don't do things the way I do. Perhaps that is what it means when God is described as Omnipotent and Omnipresent. God works through all people together, using each person's unique gifts and abilities for good.

Danielle is doing very well on the new TIP therapy. Her PFTs are higher than they have ever been. We are very excited about this new delivery method. I hope approval goes quickly through the FDA.

Perhaps all things are working together in ways that I don't understand. And, maybe I am understanding that I am important, but not so important that there needs to be two of me. Sometimes I think it might be O.K. for God's other children to step in and work together.

~Namaste'~

Yoga and the Cat Rescue Mission

I am currently engaged in my second year of teaching Summer Scholars Yoga. I absolutely love it. This year my friend Kenna is helping me. It has been wonderful. Kenna isn't a Yoga practitioner, but she has risen to the occasion beautifully. And, who knows? After this, maybe we will take a class together. That is the thing I love about Yoga. Everyone can do it and be successful at whatever level each individual is able to participate. The other thing I love is that I am absolutely mindful of God's presence and how I might be an instrument in helping others to get in touch with that. Of course, we are in public school, so we don't speak "directly" about God. But, each child is encouraged to find their own Spirit within to guide and direct them during Yoga practice. We do meditation activities involving focus and learning to turn the mind off and truly listen to guidance.

For quite a while in my life, I wanted to be a counselor. I even have a degree that says, "Counseling", but after a certain point, I no longer felt a need to pursue that avenue. Well, for one thing, every time I would try to stop teaching, God would shove me with two hands back into the classroom. So, for now, I have conceded that I am supposed to be a teacher. And, I definitely use the counseling degree daily in the capacity in which I work with students... Still, at some point I learned that "counseling", in the traditional sense, is not what ultimately helped me to become happy in my life. Seeking a personal relationship with the God of my understanding is the way I have come to know peace and contentment in my life. If you have read this blog, you know that I am certainly not peaceful and content all the time, but I know the way to get there.

My last blog radiated frustration about the girls not doing their vest and nebulizer in a timely manner. I wanted to take a moment to share the solution. Immediately after I wrote that, I read that I need to meet frustration and negatively with love. Thus, I have been going up with them each time they need to start their vest and helping them to get started. I help them put the vest on, put the meds in their nebulizer, start the vest, and turn on the nebulizer machine. Now, here is the key... I do it with an attitude of love. We have a moment of conversation. We have turned it into a little moment of togetherness. Will this help them to be independent and be able to go off to college and do their treatments on their own? I don't know the answer to that... The thing that I know is that I have peace in my home. I'm not screaming up the stairs. I'm not frustrated and threatening. We are all happier. I suppose I will just trust God with the independence at college problem. We have some time...

Dan has started the Tobramycin Inhalation Powder (TIP) therapy trials. So far, it has been great. It is a much quicker way to administer the drug. After only two days, she is completely cough-free. When she came back from Italy, her pulmonary functions were down, but after a week of vest therapy, she improved dramatically. Now, she will be on this trial drug for 28 days. So far, I have seen an even more marked improvement than when she uses the nebulized form of TOBI. It is wonderful!

Oh, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Mama Cat and her four kittens. About two weeks ago, Mom and I were riding down our street at night when I saw the tiniest little kitten on the side of the road. I asked Mom to stop and after getting out and inspecting the bushes, found a Mama Cat with four kittens. They were hungry, abandoned and flea infested. Mom, J.R. and I tramped down the road to give them some food and water. One thing led to another and the kittens and their Mama are now living in J.R.'s workshop. Yesterday, Danielle's friend, Kasey, came and adopted the one with no tail, the Manx. So, as of today, we have two kittens still looking for a home. Dave and I have agreed that Sarah can have one for her birthday. Mom and J.R. are going to keep Mama Cat. The summer cat rescue mission has been a great experience for the girls. If you would like to give a kitten a home, please let me know.

I wish you great love and happiness in your life today. ~Namaste'~ Christy

Peace, The Vest and Nebulizers

It's easy to be really spiritual when I don't have to be around other people. The girls have returned home after ten days of being on vacation. When they were gone, while reading "There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem", I had conjured up all these ideas about how positive my parenting practices would be... How our home would be one of peace, love, and sunshine... How each day in our home would be a harmonious expression of God's love in action. I'm sure that it IS all those things, but it doesn't look like I envisioned. Don't get me wrong, we are glad to be back together. I missed them both terribly, but I am so glad that they got to go and have great fun on their respective trips. In their absence, I thought about how we could have more peace in our home. What most people don't know about our day to day family life is that every day is a repitition of medical treatments and medications. The girls get up in the morning and do therapy vest , breathing treatments, and take handfuls of pills. As a mom, I don't know any other way. Both my children were diagnosed with cystic fibrosis before birth, so this has been the way we have done things. For the girls, it is old. They resist. I insist. There is conflict.

I don't understand why they dawdle. Each girl will come up with every excuse in the world to postpone getting in the vest and doing the treatment. "It's Sarah's turn first... It's Dan's turn first..." (Part of this is the insurance company's responsibilty since they are currently denying paying for a second vest. They are treating the girls as if they are one entity and that is wholly unfair. It will change this year and be approved. More to come on that later.) Then, I hear, "Can I eat first?" During the school year, we have a rigorous routine, but in the summer, things are more lax. I let them sleep in from time to time. I'm not a complete treatment Nazi. But, make no mistake. There must always be a repitition of dialogue. "Have you started yet?" "I'm getting it!" Ten minutes later... "I don't hear it!" "I'm getting it!" "What number are you on?" The vest goes off after 10 minutes... The idea is that the vest user is supposed to take off the vest after 10 minutes, go cough and spit, and get back in the vest to do two other ten minute sessions. Needless to say, we don't do this. Once I get the little cherubs in the vest, they certainly aren't coming out of the thing. If they need to cough and spit during the process, I make a trash can available for their spitting pleasure. Otherwise, they can just do it after the 3rd session is complete.

The thing I try to remind myself of is that I don't have cystic fibrosis. I don't know how it feels to have to do the same series of treatments every day. I try to be compassionate. Still, it is frustrating for me. Even during times when they are having trouble breathing, they resist doing treatments, which will utimately make them feel better. I don't get the resistance. When I am especially frustrated, I think, "These children will have to live with me for the rest of their natural born lives or they won't ever get their treatments."

A behaviorist would say: Stop arguing with them. Allow them the natural consequence of their own behavior, or lack thereof, in this case. The natural consequence, however, in this case, is far too punitive in my mind. I want health and life abundant for my girls. Unfortunately, my wants are not theirs. They are children, and they are not able to see how their immediate action or inaction affects the big picture of their lives. I guess it doesn't necessarily have to do with the fact that they are children. Many adults opt for instant gratification over what is ultimately best for them.

So, what to do? What to do? I'm tired of the struggle. But, we are stuck, as a family. I asked for Dan to pray for the willingness to be willing. She is usually willing to go along on the spirtual journey with me to see where it will lead. Sarah generally gets dragged along on the spiritual journey, but she is usually willing toward the end.

Yesterday, we went to Pulmonary Associates to see Dr. Tony Cowan. He is a researcher. The girls were asked to participate in a study for a new method of administering TOBI. Initially, Sarah was resistant to participating because the study requires blood levels to be taken. However, after talking to her and explaining that if other patients before her hadn't agreed to studies like this, we wouldn't have the medications that we have now that help them live healthy lives, she agreed. Interestingly, though, after all the discussion necessary and the tears that preceded the discussion, Sarah did not qualify for the the study because her pulmonary function tests were too good. Dan qualified for the study. But, in looking at the data, Dr. Sindel saw that her functions have fallen during her trip to Italy. She was very healthy before she left, but being without the vest never works well for Dan. She did Acapella, but it is never as effective as the vest. She also coughed up a little blood yesterday, but it seemed to be a one time thing. Dr. Sindel left and instructed me to bring her in Monday, the 12th if she isn't better, and Monday, the 19th if she is better. This weekend will be a healing weekend to allow consistent therapy to restore her health. If she isn't better, she may need I.V. antibiotics, which would disqualify her from the TOBI study for a while.

At any rate, here I sit with all of this and spiritual questions... I have been reading about energy vibrations, prayer and meditation. I have been submersed in daily meditation practice. Becoming one with the One, if you will. All of this in absence of the girls. And, here I sit, still trying to figure it out. The truth is, it can't be figured out. It is up to God. All of it is up to God and that should be good enough for me. What is my role? How can I bring peace to my own family? It is easy to give fried chicken to strangers. It is difficult to bring peace to my own family members who don't necessarily do what I think they should, when I think they should. My family doesn't always cooperate with me with my talk of speaking it to the Universe and visualizing healing light flowing to every cell in the body, and my strangeness and my yoga practices. They want to do it their own way. And, surely, that is O.K. too.

~Namaste'~ Christy

An Instrument of Peace Bearing Fried Chicken

I'm reading Wayne Dyer's book, There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem". I am thoroughly enjoying it. Summer is such a great time for me to recharge my spiritual battery. This book is wonderful in that it gives practical suggestions for how to put in practice the ideas outlined in the St. Francis Prayer:

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant thtat I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

~Saint Francis of Assisi

The coolest thing is that Dan is in Italy right now. They went to Assisi on their first full day. She was able to go to Saint Francis' chapel. She called me from there and assured me that she is bringing me something magical because Mimi says everything from there is magical. Mom and J.R. are there and having a wonderful time too.

Right now, I am on the explanation of the very first line, "Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace." Yesterday, I stayed home all day to wait for the auditor from the MS Grant Program and a furniture delivery. The auditor arrived early in the morning and took care of all of that business quickly and efficiently. We qualify for a large grant and I am feeling so blessed at the inflow of prosperity. The furniture delivery guys were a different story. They called at 1:30 and told me that they would arrive around 3:00. In actuality, they didn't arrive until after 5:00. It wasn't a big deal, as I really didn't have anywhere special to go anyway. Dave and I got to spend the afternoon together and I always enjoy times when we just get to be together. Still, as the day wore on, we were curious as to whether our end tables and meditation table were to be delivered at all. I went ahead with dinner. Dave made bruschetta and I fried chicken wings. The house was really smelling delicious when the furniture delivery men arrived. One of the guys commented on how good it smelled in the house. So, as I was standing over the stove, I thought I should give them some chicken. When the guy came back to have Dave sign the paperwork I asked if he would like a piece. He indicated he would like one, so I asked how many men were with him and served a piece for each delivery man. He seemed very grateful.

It occurred to me afterward that these are the principles outlined in the book I'm reading... The delivery men had probably been working their tails off all day. They arrived at my house after 5:00 when they were supposed to arrive at 3:00. Probably they aren't being greeted with loving kindness when they arrive two hours late. So, I was able to send them a little peace through fried chicken. Afterall, in my mind, goodwill and fried chicken wings are synonymous.

Sarah called last night too. She is white water rafting with her dad. Go to cascadeoutdoors.com ~ Go to photos and click June 3, 2:00 trip (view all) to see her. It is great that she has Randy and Kristine, because nothing even remotely appeals to me about careening boldly down rapids. Sarah loved it, though. She said her dad fell out of the boat. Thankfully, they must have had a guy with a big hook to fish him out.

I'm teaching Summer Explorers for three days next week. Then, starting June 19th, I get to teach Summer Scholars: Yoga. I am so excited. I absolutely loved it last year. This year will be an adventure because my partner teacher is my dear friend, Kenna. Kenna is not a yoga practitioner and one might be generous in saying that she can be a little high strung. Still, I am grateful that she wanted to help because it really isn't a class that needs to be taught by just one person. We will do lots of hands-on activities in addition to practicing traditional yoga asanas (poses). I'm excited because Kenna will bring her wonderful energy and enthusiasm, and hopefully I will bring peace, centeredness and promote a connection to each individual's connection to the Divine. Wouldn't it be interesting if our roles reversed?

Dave has started working for Pascagoula now. He is doing weight room duty every day while he gears up for summer school. He will graduate in August with his Master's in administration. Who knows what exciting opportunities that will bring? For this coming year, he is looking forward to teaching some sort of math and coaching the Pascagoula Panthers. Mind you, Dan will be performing in the Gautier Gators marching band at the same time Dave coaches the Panthers to victory, so our family won't see each other on Fridays except for the first game when the Gators play the Panthers. Quite a delimma in the football world. But, since I was reared in a completely non-competitive fashion, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I just returned from Norman, Oklahoma, where I visited my wonderful friend, Michelle. Michelle and I taught preschool together at the YMCA years ago in Virginia Beach. Now, she runs the Early Childhood Development program at OU. (Go Sooners) I was able to visit with Michelle and her family for about three days. It was great seeing her again. I got to go to work with her each day, which I enjoyed tremendously. She has a preschool program each day, with college students present learning how to teach. Her program is fully inclusive and children with disabilities are entirely integrated into the program. It was so exciting for me to be able to play and work with the children. She has three students affected with varying degrees of autistic spectrum disorder. I so enjoyed interacting with the kids and giving the student teachers little tips and tricks of methodologies that might be helpful.

I also got to know Michelle's children, Chantal and Rainy. Chantal is a lot like Sarah. She is fiercely independent and fiery. For Chantal, life is a play and she is the star. Everything is very dramatic. But, being around her gives a feeling of being able to star in the show as a cameo. That was fun. Rainy is thoughtful and inquisitive. He so impressed me when we were talking in the car and he said, "Fun Friday, that is an example of alliteration." I wanted to drag him back to school with me and show him to my fourth graders. Michelle didn't acquire her children in the typical way. There are still court sessions to be attended and legal documents to be signed. Still, the children are hers and Sterling's, nonetheless. Just like my favorite story, "Horton Hatches the Egg", Michelle and Sterling have been faithful and reared the children. They have given of themselves and it is evident in the spirit the children present to the world. It was nice to see "nurture" winning in the longstanding argument of "nature vs. nurture".

We are headed to church this morning. I'm looking forward to more opportunities to be an instrument of peace. I probably won't be bearing chicken today, but maybe something else. Maybe just a smile, a kind word or thought, or whatever happens to present itself at the time.

~Namaste'~

Ode to Mom But Not As Poetic As Intended

Most people who know me would be shocked to know that I am sitting here at a loss for words. I decided to sit down and type a wonderful "Ode to My Mom" or something that would serve as a fitting tribute. The thing is that I find myself not even knowing where to start.

Yesterday, my whole family, (the divorced side too), gathered to see Sarah perform at her dance recital. She was wonderful. Sarah really has a natural rhythm and energy about her that is infectious. Of course, Mom was there too. At dance recitals, for those who are uninformed about such matters, you don't just watch your child, you watch a whole show of all the children performing in their area of dance. Costumes, music, make-up... It is a whirl of activity! The children were all wonderful. The director had even put together a "Daddy-dance" in which dad's came out and performed with their little ones. It was the cutest thing ever. But, perhaps the thing that entertained me more was Mom's hysterical laughter while watching the little pre-school and kindergarten children perform. She was in stitches. Just because you put a fancy little costume on a child, do their hair, and make them look more precious than anyone could imagine, does not mean children are going to do what they are choreographed to do. Mom takes such delight in that... She loves to watch the children "dancing to their own beat".

I think one of the things I have grown to admire most about Mom in recent years, is her new-found ability to let us dance to our own beat. Sometimes, I'm sure that she isn't as delighted as she was when she was watching the pre-schoolers, but she honors our path and allows us to do whatever we need to do. She rejoices in our successes and prays for us throughout our struggles. Don't get me wrong. Mom isn't meek and mild. She has definite opinions about things. But, usually, she just gives her opinion and lets us make our own decisions.

Growing up, Mom was perfect. She was Supermom with a capital "S". My brother and I were always involved in different things. I took dance as a child, and before the storm I'm sure we had the pictures to prove it. I can remember a little picture of myself in a red polka-dotted costume. My hair was pulled up in curls on top of my head and I was posing for the world. There were also photos to memorialize all of our activities. My brother and I played baseball and softball, soccer, and tried basketball. Mom was in the PTA; she was on the board of the sports league; she owned the preschool we attended; she worked as a Title I assistant at our elementary school... In short, we were the center of her world.

Because of my mom, I have a fabulous sense of who and what I am. Even before our family had embraced a spiritual life, I always knew I was Divinely created. Mom cherished us so much that she related that unspoken message in everything we did.

Sometimes we were so cherished, it was aggravating. She had to know where we were at all times. We weren't allowed to do things other kids did. We were forced to talk to her about stuff. If something was going on with one of us, she wouldn't leave us alone to go stew about it privately, we had to get it out in the open. Even now, she still says, "Let's get it out in the open and let God's light shine on it."

Mom is traveling to Texas this month to watch her eldest grandchild (my neice)graduate from high school. Then, she and J.R. will be returning to take Danielle on a trip to Italy. I am so very excited for her. She loves doing things for and with her grandchildren. She has always had a dream of going to Italy and I am so glad that the opportunity materialized for her. God is truly wonderful.

Interestingly, Mom now has a different type of teaching position. She is the teacher at the Youth Court. When kids get in to trouble for a variety of infractions, they get to go see my mom. The other day, I was in Subway ordering a sandwich. Mom came up to meet me because she was taking Danielle to eat and needed enzymes. (We generally all carry an abundant supply of enzymes... I don't know where her supply was that day.) Anyway, the teenager behind the counter saw my mom and noticed that I was talking to her. He asked, "Do you KNOW her?"

I replied, "Sure. She is my mom."

His eyes got really wide and he said, "I met her at Youth Court after I got into trouble. She talked to me."

I just nodded and winked at him. "Yeah, imagine growing up with her as your mom." He looked awed, fearful and envious all at the same time.

I called Mom over and she had a pleasant conversation with him. He said he was staying out of trouble.

I'll bet he is... Having to have the type of conversation that he did with my mom is not an experience he is likely to forget soon. Both girls have said if they get into trouble and have to go to Youth Court, they would prefer to be transported directly to prison.

What is so terrible about Mom's conversations? Well, it is her ability to see the spark of the Divine within each person. Then she is able to let the "offender" know, in no uncertain terms, that he/she is not living up to Divine potential. The shame, guilt and remorse is a killer. I was a little wild as a teenager, so I have some experience with these types of conversations. [Insert mischeivious wink here.]

The talks, the involvement, the interaction with my mom have made me into the person I am today. I hold no illusions of granduer. I know I don't measure up to Mom. I won't ever wash my children's shoelaces weekly or whip out a Halloween costume on the sewing machine. I just can't rise to that level. But, her love and nurturing have helped me to become a Mom who can make sure her children get treatments and get ready for softball games at the same time. I can flush I.V.'s in the car on the way to the mall. I can stay up giving treatments when Sarah is having an allergy attack and finally dope her up with Dimetapp when we just can't take it anymore and all need to sleep.

When Dan was in fourth grade, she had a problem with a little boy in class. Since I work at her school, I pulled her out in the hallway, gave her a hug, wiped her tears and said, "Honey, I think you are old enough to learn a very important life lesson now..." Dan looked at me expectantly and I told her, "Some people are just
a--holes." She laughed and I laughed and it helped her get through the day. It has become a joke in our family and I was able to share the same bit of spiritual wisdom with Sarah last week when some of the girls in her class were mean to her.

This has become rambling and long... It isn't the flowery "Ode to My Mom" that she deserves. Still, I just thank her for making that commandment about honoring your mother incredibly easy for me.

~Namaste'~

Growing through Change

I've heard it said, "It's only through change that we grow." Earlier in my life, I misheard the quote and thought it said, "It's only through pain that we grow." As I have matured, I have a better understanding that change is unavoidable, but suffering is optional. The amount of pain I experience is directly related to my willingness to get out of the way and let God be God in my life.

Lately, I have been able to do that a little more. I am standing back and marveling at the wondrous changes that are occurring before my very eyes. Life is really good today, even amidst the challenging or aggravating experiences I am given day to day.

Dave has been offered a job with Pascagoula School District. (This is my district, even though I work in Gautier. Gautier and Pascagoula are both under one umbrella, which is great because in my opinion there are a ridiculous number of districts here. One superintendent could be paid to do what four are currently doing. ~Sorry... I digressed, even within parentheses.) He has started coaching with them during the Spring Football season. I don't know what to do with myself. The man has been home for dinner every night. At Moss Point, Dave was never home during football before 9:30 or 10:00 at night. I am positively elated at this change. He is happy too. He said the other morning when he got Sarah up to do her vest, he was looking at her and thinking, "When did this happen? When did she grow up?" Anyway, I believe this change will have a very positive impact on our home life during football season. I'm thrilled!

Yesterday, we went to our Homeowner's Grant meeting. We are eligible to receive a grant to help rebuild our home. We meet the qualifications of the program given that we had homeowner's insurance, but no flood insurance. Our primary damage was from the water in our home. Thus, we filled out all the paperwork and an adjuster will be meeting with us in 2 to 6 weeks to look at our home, our receipts and other information we can provide. We are so grateful to meet the qualifications of the grant. However, people need to understand that many people on the Coast do not meet the qualifications and are still having a rough time.

The girls are both doing well health-wise. Dan and Sarah both started to cough again a couple of weeks ago and I felt the fear and dread creeping over me. I have had to go back to a very simple prayer of asking God "only for His will for us and the power to carry that out". Affirming health, renunciating illness, and all the other things I have learned to do throughout my spiritual journey, were just making me feel very frantic. (This may come as a shock, but at times I can have control issues.) So, I have been asking God only for His will to be done and that I have the Power to carry that out through His daily guidance. Life has been much simpler. Any illusion of control I carried is gone and the girls are healthy again. When I get into one of my crazier spaces, I really think to myself, "If I were only more faithful and spiritual, my girls would be healed completely." Then, I begin a self-flogging ritual, attempting to control the spiritual healing process. This only helps to increase my awareness and focus on cystic fibrosis symptoms, which then leads me into wailing like Job. It is entirely a subconscious process, too. That makes it difficult for me to even notice I'm in the pattern. I'm like those planes stuck in holding patterns at the airport. I need a voice from air traffic control to kick in and help me go ahead and land. Anyway, I don't even know if that made the slightest bit of sense to anyone, but just know that I have returned to a simpler relationship with my Loving God and it is working for me today.

My principal, Dr. Catchings, sat me down this past week and told me that my classroom will need to be used by a returning kindergarten class. I share this classroom with Kara and Amy, my two fabulous co-teachers. We also have two assistant teachers who call the space home. This means that we will be displaced again next year. He has offered us a "classroom" on the stage. Now, don't get me wrong, I have always wanted to be on stage. My brother, Tom, dabbled in acting, and I have this really glamorous idea about life on stage. I am envisioning sequined gowns and feather boas every day. Still, the thought of not having a room again is a little stressful. I'll try not to get ahead of myself. I still have to get through the last two weeks of this school year.

I have lots to do today. I need to clean out the FEMA trailer so that they can come and pick it up. We were very grateful to have it, but we are also very grateful to see it go.

A couple of weeks ago, my wonderful friends from Unity joined us in painting our entire downstairs. It looks beautiful. We are working on finishing up the trim. My furniture is being delivered next weekend, and we are getting new french doors and a new front door next week too. I will post pictures when the furniture is in. The picture above is of the UPS (Unity Paint Squad). We are so grateful for their help and friendship. The photo was taken on Easter at church.

Namaste' ~ You are well loved.

Eating an Elephant

Please consider this post, a public apology. Life has been overwhelming for me lately. I have had a lot on my plate, but have continued to barrel through as if I am perfectly able to handle anything that is presented. I'm actually sure that last statement is true if I am reliant upon God to guide my behavior and words. That didn't happen on Friday. I completely blew it at work. By jumping to conclusions that were completely unfounded, I single-handedly made two of my favorite teachers and co-workers cry. I accused them of "not being team players" and being "passive-aggressive". After talking things out and realizing I was completely off-base, I profusely apologized. However, I realize that isn't enough. When I roar through someone's life, without consideration, more than an apology is needed. An amend is in order.

Amend means "to change". I intend to change my behavior and insure that I do not behave in a similar fashion to hurt anyone else. In the course of the debriefing afterward, my co-worker shared with me that she feels so much pressure at work. She feels I create a demanding atmosphere, and because everyone so wants to please me, they are walking around on eggshells. I am very much a child advocate, and I always
approach each situation with "What is best for the child?" Given this "high moral platitude", it is difficult for anyone to present a reasonable argument against anything I say, even when there are sometimes very ligitimate ideas that need to be considered with regard to whole programming and the running of a school. My friend and co-worker didn't know it, but when she used the phrase "walking on eggshells", I really stopped to evaluate everything. As a child, I felt very much like that... My father was an abusive alcoholic. We always felt as if we were walking on eggshells, trying to keep the peace in our home. I hated that feeling. So, the fact that my dear friend used that particular phrase really opened my eyes to the seriousness of my behavior. If this is a trend with me, I intend to do whatever is necessary to change. Truly, I appreciate my situation at work. I work with a fabulous team of women and love each of them for their unique talents and personalities. Together, we bring wonderful opportunities to the children with whom we work. Also, I fully believe that God brought us together to do the things we do. Given that, why on earth am I storming around seeing conflict where there is none?

I always tell my students, "O.K., how do we eat an elephant?" They respond, "One bite at a time..." And, then we start. This week has been an elephant that has been tough and chewy. I have just had one "event" after another. I need to remember to be especially careful when life is particularly full. I have had an awful lot on my plate lately: rebuilding my house after Katrina, the girls have been hospitalized twice, softball for Dan, dance class for Sarah, dances, band concerts, paperwork at home and paperwork at work... I'm overwhelmed. Instead of trying to cram more than one bite of elephant in my mouth to expedite the process, I just need to sit and chew slowly. The thing that I need to remember is that everyone is always in the process of eating their own elephant too. But, maybe if I am open, I can get advice on how to swallow the especially tough bits that someone else has already had to eat.

I sincerely apologize to my wonderful co-workers. Perhaps after a while of real positive change, I can rebuild some of the damage that was done.

All of that being said, the girls are doing beautifully with regard to their health. We had a CF appointment a two weeks ago and Dr. Sindel pronounced Dan "healthier than she has been since 2002". He put both girls on different medications this time and the I.V. meds he chose really seemed to help. He also lent us a little portable nebulizer machine for Danielle to take on her trip to Italy. It is nice to know that she will be leaving the country in optimal health.

Last night, Danielle attended her 8th grade formal. The picture above is Dan in her finest dress. Jeremiah, her boyfriend, brought her a beautiful corsage and gave it to her at the dance. I don't have a picture of the two of them together because I was told she was going to have her picture professionally taken. Well, she got there and the "line was too long", and by the time she got in line for pictures they stopped taking them. I am really bummed out about that, but she insists that other people took photos, so maybe a copy will come out of that. Next time, I will know my daughter well enough to take the photo myself.

Mom sent me a great quote this weekend... Probably because she knows I have been beating myself up about the incident at work on Friday. "I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business." ~ Michael J. Fox

Namaste'

Growing Mushrooms and Looking at Statues

Well, here we sit in the hospital again. Dan and Sarah were both admitted on Friday. Danielle started running a fever last week after having taken oral antibiotics for two weeks. Sarah began complaining of back and chest pain. I called Dr. Sindel right away and got them in quickly. I think this time he has really had to work for his money. Since Sarah just got off I.V. antibiotics and Danielle was on very strong orals, he has had to work to create a treatment plan that will work for each of them.

He came by this morning and explained that Sarah seems to be having an allergic reaction to mold. (This isn't exactly what he said, but my layman's interpretation of what he said, since I would have to be taking notes to remember the doctor vocabulary.) Basically, he believes she is growing some type of fungus in her lungs. I have been teasing her saying she is growing mushrooms. Dr. Sindel is treating it with steroids and awaits lab results to see if an anti-fungal medication is needed. All of this while treating her with I.V. antibiotics and inhaled medications to treat the lung inflamation.

Grammy and Grampy, Randy's parents, came and spent the night with them on Saturday. Dave will be coming to stay tonight. It is so nice that everyone is able to chip in. The hospital can be so exhausting. People are coming and going all the time. I know I get bored and tired being in here. Imagine how the girls feel not being able to escape at all!

Overall, though, they are in good spirits. There is a wonderful school right here in the hospital. Mobile County Public Schools provide educational services to students who have been admitted. The classroom is called "Class Act". Ms. Anne Vella and Ms. Mary Day are the teachers. Ms. Anne teaches the lower grades and Ms. Day teaches the upper level. When the girls are admitted, the teachers fax a request to the schools for assignments. The girls' teachers send assignments to the office to be faxed to the hospital. The teachers work with all the children to help them complete assignments. The girls are busy during their time in the hospital and they don't get behind in their assignments. Students who attend Mobile County Schools are not even marked absent from school. For more information click: Class Act. There are volunteers who come to work with children, enrichment games and activities available on computer, and even "pet therapy".

We also take any opportunity to go walk in the park. There is a beautiful park on the grounds of the hospital. Statues of children in various states of play are located throughout. It is really great to be able to get out and walk around. If you would like to see the statues, click here: http://www.southalabama.edu/usacwh/childrenspark2.html

We also had some wonderful news first thing this morning. Our beloved cat, Suzy, returned this morning after having been missing for a couple of weeks. Dave said he spent the morning taking care of her since all of the other girls in the house are at the hospital. Dave usually wakes me up by bringing me a cup of coffee after getting Sarah in her vest. He heads off to the gym after making sure we are up and moving. Then, I know I have to get up and make Sarah reset her vest, and switch her treatment to saline. After she is finished I start Dan on her treatments and vest. Still, without Dave, we wouldn't get started on time since morning is definitely not my best time of day. I'm glad Dave had Suzy to tend to... I'm sure he is missing us.

Thanks to all for your prayer support. I have a friend who had brain surgery a couple of days ago. He always says, "God is loving us now." He really is, isn't He?

Namaste'~ Christy

The above pictures are the girls' favorite statues. Can you guess which statue goes with which girl? Hint: The little girl with her hand out has a frog behind her back in her unseen hand.

Listen for the Geese

This morning I awoke to hear a flock of geese overhead. I hear them all the time now since the storm. I wonder if they were always here, and I just never noticed, or if they came in after Katrina blew in. I don't really know which is true, but I do know that I am grateful I can hear them now. The girls and I like to listen to them flying over. They call to each other for encouragement as they fly... I have heard an interesting story about geese, but I won't attempt to retell it. This website does a much better job.
Still, knowing the story about how geese fly in formation and how they call to each other always makes me pause for a moment and realize that God is offering me the same help and encouragement if I only listen.

Speaking of great encouragers, my friend, Lib, moved to Atlanta only two months before Katrina hit. Talk about your survivors guilt! She really had a rough time after the storm. She called me all the time just to touch base and be supportive. Still, in some ways, emotionally, I felt worse for her than I did for myself. We were in the midst of cleaning up and doing whatever thing presented itself next. Lib could do nothing but worry about (and pray for) her friends and loved ones and watch horrific stories on the news. I believe she honestly felt a sense of guilt for not being here with us. She is constantly trying to get my husband and I to come up for a little break, just for nurturing and support. And, I promise that one of these weekends, I am going to do just that... How could I pass up Lib AND the IKEA store all in one fabulous place?

Everything about the hurricane has made me accutely aware of God's personal intervention and caring in our lives when we look to Divine Guidance. Lib is the wife of a minister. Her husband, Chuck, moved to Atlanta to minister within a much larger congregation. After the storm, Chuck and several other ministers and friends came down to help support people on the Gulf Coast. They helped with rebuilding efforts, just as other faith-based groups have since the storm. Lib never told me this, but I have heard through others in our small community that Chuck's new church helped financially support the Pascagoula Church that was severely damaged. When I heard this, I knew that God had orchestrated help and protection for the Pascagoula Church in a way that seemed less than desirable to many people when they announced they were moving to Atlanta. We were all thinking about ourselves... About how much we would miss them. Chuck and Lib both touched so many in our community. But, when I put my own feelings aside about missing my dear friend, I can so clearly see that the move was exactly what needed to happen for God to work through them to help us and uplift us in a way that we so desperately needed after Katrina.

The thing that I love most about Lib is her sense of humor and storytelling. Lib loves to garden, and I promise you never knew gardening could be humorous until you have listened to Lib spin a tale about it. She heard from someone that all of the azaleas had been destroyed in the storm. So, the pictures above are for Lib. My yard was more beautiful than ever this year. Seeing my yard in full bloom was another little reminder that God is present, bringing hope and resurrection to all of us.

A little news about the girls... Sarah was hospitalized on March 1st and placed on I.V. antibiotics again. We came home after 3 days in the hospital and finished the I.V. course at home. Danielle was also showing signs of infection, but she was treated with oral antibiotics that have helped restore her good health. And, both girls are doing beautfully since I have thrown them out of the house! Sarah's line had only been out for two days when she began complaining of back pain again. The girls have not been present when the walls are being sanded, but we are sleeping upstairs, so they would come back in after the sanding was finished for the day. The residual dust had to be the irritant that made them sick. Fortunately, mom and J.R. live next door and their house is almost complete. Their walls have been finished for a long time and they even have furniture. So, the girls have taken up residence with them until we finish the walls and clean all the dust out of the house. Neither one of them really like being banned from the house and I don't exactly like having to shuttle things back and forth across the yard, but we do what we have to do. They are handling the displacement relatively well. I'm sure, in many ways, Mimi's house is just as good, or better, than home.

Danielle is going with Mimi and Papa (Mom and J.R.) to Italy on May 29th. That has been another blessing that Hurricane Katrina brought. When Dan was living with her dad in Birmingham, she went to school up there. Her history class began planning a trip to Italy over the summer. We asked if she could participate even though she would not be finishing out the year there. Mr. Stack, her teacher, was thrilled to have her participating. He has even conducted fundraisers on her behalf to help defray the cost of the trip. So, we are so excited about the opportunity for Dan to travel abroad. Dr. Sindel, the CF doc, recommends doing a voluntary I.V. antibiotics tune-up before she leaves. So, our next visit to CF clinic will be in preparation for being out of the country. It is so exciting!

Sarah also mentioned off-handedly that she wanted to go to Jamaica. Well, after pausing to reflect, Dave and I thought, "You know? Vacation in a tropical paradise doesn't sound like a crazy idea right now." So, we are looking into going to one of the U.S. Virgin Islands this summer, too. Summertime is considered "off season" so the cost isn't so prohibitive. Sarah and I have had great fun searching the web for pictures and looking at the absolutely magnificent villas that are available.

We were so blessed this week to have friends from Unity Village and places beyond, visiting with us. We attended church on Wednesday and were served dinner after being led in a wonderful Yoga class. The girls and I enjoyed it immensely. Our church friends also helped some more with the sanding and we are now a little closer to completion. Every bit of help, every bit of love has brought us a little closer to restoring our home. Most of our help has been through faith-based organizations. Perhaps there is a message in that as well. According to our faith, it is done unto us. The wonderful thing about this faith in action is that it hasn't come with denominations or dogmatic pronouncements, it has come with simple love. Brothers and sisters helping and loving one another... We are truly blessed to be in the midst of such a miracle.

I have certainly prattled on enough. For this week, I hope that you hear the geese honking and watch the azaleas bloom. I hope that you experience, as I have, the spirit of Christ in action in your life. ~Namaste~

Rubber Bands

Rubber bands are generally very flexible. Last week, I watched a 5th grade student at school testing the limits of rubber band flexibility. He was supposed to be paying attention the lesson, but was far more engrossed in the laws of physics. I felt he was about to learn a very valuable lesson, and I should really not interfere. Sometimes, experience is a far superior teacher than simple verbal correction. He began by stretching it out between his fingers. He continued to test its limits by twisting it and pulling it further and further apart. The band seemed to stretch beyond a reasonable capacity. Then this fine young scientist placed one end of the rubber band between his teeth and hooked the other on his index finger. Of course, the end result was that the band broke and snapped him squarely in the lower lip. He rubbed his lip, tucked the offending stretchy object in his pants pocket and went back to attending to the math lesson.

I had a similar experience last week. Sunday's lesson at church was about Lent. We discussed not just giving up chocolate, or overeating, or smoking, but giving up something truly harmful to our spiritual growth and development. I committed to giving up negative speech for forty days to prepare for the Easter celebration and rebirth of a new Christ consciousness. Feeling very lofty and inspired, I left church to return home, work on the house and prepare to embark on this wonderful journey. That evening, Sarah began experiencing pain in her back on the right lower side. She also began running a fever. I gave her some Tylenol, reassured her that it was going to be fine, and led her in a meditation to help her relax and fall asleep. Mind you, at this point, I was still lofty and spiritual.

Monday morning rolled around and Sarah arose with a fever of 102 degrees and complaints of more back pain. She took her regular does of Motrin and we went to school. My principal is very understanding about Sarah's condition and understands that she isn't contagious to the other children. I was thinking of Jesus' command of: "Take up your bed and walk". We usually just keep on keepin' on until it is obvious that more serious intervention is necessary. Still, I called Dr. Sindel's office as soon as they opened to see if they could squeeze her into CF clinic that day. I spoke to Nurse Karen and she said that they couldn't see her, but I should take her to the emergency room. This was precisely NOT what I wanted to hear. Sarah and I stayed at school until 2:00 p.m. when she came to me crying of back pain. We left and went home. I gave her some more Tylenol and she did her treatments, which helped ease the pain somewhat. The decision was made to make it through the night, but her fever came back every time the Tylenol wore off. Fear and worry began to creep in.

Fat Tuesday came and I certainly did not relish the idea of going to Mobile to the hospital during all the Mardi Gras craziness. (Mardi Gras is a topic for a blog all its own. Perhaps I will write it one day. Better yet, Sarah and Dan's grandmother, Maxine, should write it. Hearing her talk about it, having moved down here from Maine is hysterical.) All day, we gave Sarah Tylenol and prayed that she would make a turn around. She did all of her regular meds, and since she was already on TOBI, I just prayed that somehow, God's healing power would kick in for her providing a much needed miracle. We meditated again to help her sleep. Periodically all day, she complained of back pain. That night, she awoke in the middle of the night and threw up (mostly mucus). She was running fever and crying with pain in her back and chest. Resigned, I knew what the next step had to be.

Thus, Wednesday morning, I took her to the emergency room in Mobile. They admitted her and called her doctor, who wisely chastised me for having waited the extra time. We entered the hospital on Ash Wednesday. Sarah's mid-line was placed on Thursday and after her fever subsided, she was discharged on Friday. She is now on a 14 day course of I.V. meds at home. We go for a follow-up appointment tomorrow.

So, here I sit with all of this and my committment to speak positively. Hospitalization doesn't feel "positive" to me. My child having pneumonia and having to have a catheter placed in her arm for the administration of I.V meds doesn't feel positive to me. I want that Biblical type of healing that Jesus performed. The woman touched the hem of Jesus' robe and he said, "Go on with your bad self. You are made whole." (I'm paraphrasing, of course, since I am not much of a scripture quoter.) And, then, the time with Lazarus... I mean, he was actually dead. His family was crying. Jesus went in, healed him and out of the tomb he walked. I have always been interested in what Lazarus went on to do after he was brought back. I wonder if anyone knows... Still, that too, is a topic for another blog. At any rate, you get my point. I want a burning bush, hand on head, annointing with the oil, honest-to-goodness miracle!

So far, our healing doesn't seem to work like that. The healing involves positive, wonderful acts of God working through people that don't seem positive at the time. "Thank you, God, for that mid-line catheter which allows medicine that your children developed to flow through my child's veins restoring her health." These are the words that I need to say. "Thank you, God, for the vest therapy machine and nebulizer treatments that my children to take daily to maintain their health." "Thank you, God, for the oral medications that my children take daily to maintain their health." I'm working on learning to say these words instead of, "Oh no... Not the hospital again." "Oh, I am so tired of having to fight with the girls to get their treatments and take their meds." Who knows? Maybe if I change my words to reflect the positive, our whole experience will change.

For now, though, I am working with these ideas. I am playing with diligent practice of speaking positively, just like the 5th grader and his rubber band. I can stretch and grow and try to be ready for God's spiritual lessons for me. But, sometimes, I need to remember the limits of the rubber band, lest I get popped. God's healing power works for my children and my family. However, I have learned that it doesn't look like the biblical type of healing. I keep wanting it to. I keep trying to stretch my spiritual rubber band in that direction instead of simply going with God's guidance of the reality of the precious NOW.

The picture is Sarah and her Grammy, Maxine, who doesn't get Mardi Gras. Costumed people throwing beads off the back of pick-up trucks just doesn't resonate with her!

The Trailer Incident

We have the two best restaurants in the world right here in Vancleave, MS. Vancleave is considered "the country" in our area. Bear in mind that I live in Gautier, so I am not sure that we are high-falootin' city folks, but still... I remember when Dave was still living in Italy, I called him and said, "I have found the best hamburger in the world. It is at a place called "Dairy Dream." He thought I was exaggerating until he came back and tasted it for himself. Now, he agrees that a fully-dressed, large, Dairy Dream cheeseburger is so good it is worth the risk of high colesterol. The other restaurant that we only discovered just after the storm is a little Italian joint called "Pappa Roni's". They serve a Foccacia dip that is so fabulous. It is rare that Dave, Danielle, Sarah and I all love the same thing. The girls are hard to please. But, we all dig right in every time we visit this little restaurant that seats only ten people. Also, Dave lived in Italy for a couple of years, so he is somewhat of an Italian food connoisseur. Everything is always exquisite each time we have eaten at this tiny little bistro, and we all leave stuffed. The wait staff doesn't even mind that Danielle brings her own chocolate pudding in which to dip her food.

Fortunately, we had just returned from a fabulous family dinner at Pappa Roni's when we experienced a terrible occurence that nearly threw us all into post traumatic stress disorder. Upon returning home, Dave went into the trailer to start coffee for Saturday morning. (We are currently sleeping in the house, while cooking and eating in the FEMA trailer.) Sarah and I continued on into the house while Dave and Danielle went into the trailer. Sarah and I hadn't yet even managed to unlock the door when we hear panicked cries coming from the trailer, "Turn the water off! Turn the water off!"

Dan ran out of the trailer yelling, "Turn the water off!"

I respond, "What water?"

Dave continues yelling, "Turn the water off! Turn the water off to the trailer. Turn it off!"

I ran into the house and haphazardly made my way out the back sliding glass door to the back porch where the water is hooked up. Buddy, our dog, was so glad to see me that he jumped on me and nearly knocked me over, which seriously impeded my progress. Sarah was fast on my heels asking, "What's wrong?"

I replied hastily, "Sarah, I don't know. I just have to turn the water off."

Sarah and I got the water turned off and ran back through the house, out the garage and into the trailer.

Understand that I knew it couldn't be good. But, I don't think I was prepared for the reality I was about to face. I burst into the trailer to see water spurting from what used to the the cold tap in the kitchen sink. Water covered the kitchen floor and was dripping from the cabinets. Dave was desperately looking for the knob to the tap, which had shot off as soon as he turned it on. Sarah and I stood there dumbfounded. Finally, after a couple of seconds that seemed more like an eternity, I sent Sarah into the house to get towels. Dan had run in to find the mop already.

Water continued to spray up from the faucet and I asked Dave, "Did turning the water off not help?"

He said, "Oh no. It helped some." Still, it hadn't completely stopped the gushing of water all over the kitchen. I opened the taps in the bathroom to try to relieve some of the pressure. This helped a little more. Still some water continued to shoot up like a geiser in rythmic spurts. Sarah arrived with the towels and Dan arrived with the mop. We began trying to clean up the mess.

We ordered the girls into the house, since the trailer is such a small place. That might have also been a post traumatic stress reaction. After the storm, I remember returning home and my sweet Sarah was trying to sweep the disgusting swamp water out of the house. All I could think of at that time was that God help Randy (their dad) get them safely out of this place. Dave and I continued to clean up the water, when I opened the cabinet to have a true, disgusting flashback. The pots and pans in the trailer cabinet had filled with water. I can assure you, this wasn't nearly the same as after the storm, but it reminded me of the experience. In fact, my friend, Cecile and I were just reflecting on Friday about how horrible it was to open a drawer or pull out a pan and hear the familiar sloshing sound of smelly, contaminated flood water spilling out over everything. Dave sounded horrified, as well, when he saw the water in the pans, "Oh, no. How in the world did water get in there?"

I just looked at him and smiled, "Water flows to the place of least resistance." He said that frequently to me after the storm when I would ask the same question.

Dave and I are bonded together forever by our disgusting water cleaning experiences. Pre-storm plumbing problems, Hurricane Katrina, and now what will be forever referred to as "the trailer incident" unite us in a way that is deeper than even marital vows. I'm sure Dave's Aquarian influence is somehow responsible.

As we continued cleaning the water, I noticed a rhythmic hum in coming from the back of the trailer. Dave determined that it had to be the water pump. After flipping all the breakers and unplugging the trailer from the house failed to stop the hum, Dave and I became increasingly concerned that if the pump continued to run without water in it, it would burn up. This led to the decision to call FEMA. I found the number and discussed the situation with the infuriatingly calm gentleman on the other end of the line. He advised us to turn off the black switch on the wall near the sink. Previously, we had no earthly idea the exact purpose of the switch. The men who set up the trailer told me it was a switch for the furnace and that I should just leave it on. Mr. Calm FEMA Maintenance Telephone Operator informed me that he would put in a work order for someone to come out. I inquired as to when someone would come and he his only reply was, "Someone should contact you in a couple of days." Well, I wanted to scream, "This is an EMERGENCY! I just had to clean water out of pots and pans!" I wanted a SWAT team to descend upon the house! I wanted helicopters to come out of the sky! I wanted action! But, instead, I just said, "Thank you. You have been most helpful," and hung up the phone. After all, what is Mr. Calm FEMA Maintenance Telephone Operator going to do? Get in his car and come help me himself? He has to take calls from other people whose knobs have popped off their taps and are frantic.

So, as I reflect upon the situation today, I am calmer. I have faith that someone will come and help. In the meantime, I can wash dishes in the bathtub. Or, I could try to put them in my brand new washing machine because I now have a functional laundry room! I just have all kinds of options. Whenever a problem crops up, I know that there is a solution. I am hooked into a Divine Power than can solve any problem and alleviate any concern. I just need to remember that.

The affirmation I have been working with lately is, "God goes before me to make smooth and perfect my way." I'm coming to understand that means that God's way is smooth and perfect regardless of outer circumstances. My friend, Tammy, recently sent me a video of Hurricane Katrina that was shot from the Beau Rivage. I will try to include the link here for any who are interested. Click to watch: Hurricane Katrina Video. The thing that I most noticed was that the videographer focused in on a pelican sitting calmly atop the waves in the midst of debris as the hurricane swirled around it. After several more frames, the pelican is joined by two other pelicans, so there are three. The video doesn't show how the two other pelicans got there, but all of a sudden, the pelican isn't alone anymore. This is true for my life. If I can just sit calmly even in the midst of wind, water and debris (or even spurting taps in the trailer), God will send help and comfort. I don't have to be alone. If only I can have the faith of the pelican.

Walls

We have walls! I remember how happy everyone was when The Berlin Wall was torn down. I am simply ecstatic that our walls have been re-erected. From a counseling perspective, it is all about "tearing down walls"... However, having not had any walls for several months, I can tell you that sometimes walls are necessary. Sitting on the commode while someone peers in at you can be rather disconcerting. Walls offer a certain amount of privacy and protection. Walls can also offer an opportunity to be prayerful and reflective. I'm thinking now of the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial Wall, or the Wailing Wall. We inserted Dave's journal entry about our Katrina experience into our living room wall. Someday, hopefully when we are gone, or much older, it will be opened and an opportunity for reflection will be provided.

I have been struggling with a little bout of depression this week. We had a guest counselor come to school Wednesday afternoon to discuss emotional effects of the hurricane. After leaving that presentation, I found myself needing to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head. Now, a counselor-type would say, "I was put in touch with emotions that I hadn't been in touch with previously..." Maybe that is true. But, maybe, just maybe... I needed whatever emotional wall I had built around myself just to be able to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I read a story in the paper this morning about a man who was forced from his home in New Orleans after the storm. Given the description of the gentleman, he may not have been a bastion of mental and emotional health. At any rate, he killed his fiance', critically wounded her four-year-old child, and finally shot himself. His actions left the couple's five-month-old baby an orphan. Don't get me wrong. I think that probably alcohol and/or drugs were involved. Maybe Katrina tore down whatever walls were holding his fragile psyche together. That is what I have noticed most about this hurricane recovery process. Everyone's true nature is being revealed.

I'm not much of a scripture quoter, but I know that Jesus encouraged people to enter into their "closet to pray". In a closet, you are surrounded by walls. Perhaps, that is the lesson. I need to keep the walls of spiritual truth around me, so I don't need to build emotional walls to protect myself. Being sure that God's will is being done for me and my family, even in the face of a lot of worldly ills can be difficult. But, I am quite sure that it is much more difficult without the walls of spirit protecting me.

A group from People Building People (www.peoplebuildingpeople.org) came out to help us erect our walls. They are pictured above. We are so grateful. We have been beautifully touched by so many people who have reached out to help us. Dave is downstairs sanding the laundryroom, so it will be ready to be painted. Imagine! I will have a working laundryroom and won't have to hike across the yard to Mom's house to do laundry each week!

Oh! And, just a little update about the nutritional supplements I started Danielle on... We ran out, so I didn't get more just to see how she would do. She has developed symptoms of a cold again this week. So, back to the health store I trudged. While I was there, I picked up some "Happy Camper" for me! No, kidding! That is really what it is called. Both girls are also doing hypertonic saline treatments twice a day. Lots of hype in the news about that recently. I'm curious if any other CFers are trying it and having good success.

Namaste' ~ Christy

War Memorial Stadium During Katrina

These photos were taken at War Memorial stadium in Pascagoula. I am horrible with directions and things like that; however, I would guess that the stadium is at least 2 miles away from the beach. Interestingly enough, FEMA was able to use Pascagoula High as an emergency management hub after the storm until school reopened.

~Namaste

Bay St. Louis Storm Surge

This is a picture of the storm surge from Katrina in Bay St. Louis. Hopefully, those of you who were unable to access it via e-mail can see it. My question is: Who in the world took this picture? They must have made it out safely because the picture was able to be posted.

~Namaste'

Divine Power Tools

We have been busy, busy, busy for the past two weeks. Dave and I installed two windows and we are going to install two more this weekend. We got to purchase a "Saws-All" to do it, which is really cool, just because we have both always wanted one. There is something about power tools that just really turns me on. I think it is because power tools make the impossible, possible. Need to cut through nails? No problem! Just get the right kind of blades! Need to hammer into concrete? No problem! There is a nail gun that uses 22 caliber shells to really pound the nails in! It is facinating to realize that all types of tools have been invented to make incredibly toiling tasks an absolute breeze.

Fortunately, that is what a relationship with God does for me... Makes the impossible, possible. Who would have considered that God is the ultimate in Power Tools? But, I promise that I see it more clearly now than ever before in my life. Last week, I got a little off-track with my prayer and meditation. I wasn't as close in my walk with Creator. I'm working to continue to be mindful of God in every life situation. Only then am I open to receiving Divine Grace. God and His Saws-All go before me to make smooth and perfect my way!

Speaking of cutting the crap... I need to vent about the tenets of the No Child Left Behind Act (NCLB). If you are just looking for the family update, you may wish to scroll down. I have a Master's degree in Special Education. I won't bore you with the details of why I had to get a M.S. degree to teach, but just know there was a degree of "hassle" when I first became a teacher in our public school system five years ago. So, now I have this Master's degree and yet NCLB says that I am not qualified to teach. Lucky for me, I'm an inclusion teacher, so the fabulous teachers that I work with are qualified and I don't really have to be yet, but I will. The government has come up with a system for those of us who have been teaching for a while to qualify. It is called the HOUSSE method. I have enough training hours, continuing education credits, and professional awards to qualify under this method. I know I have them because I spent last week gathering them and placing them in a plain, manila, coffee-stained folder. Some of the newer teachers do not. However, there is another option! Sign up to take a test called the Praxis II in the area in which you would like to be "highly qualified". After teachers take this magic, handy-dandy test, they will be certified in whichever subject areas they are able to pass the test. Before my school district's push toward the HOUSSE method this week, I had already signed up to take the Praxis II in Elementary Education. After taking the test, I will be certified to teach K-5. Here is the thing... It insults my regular education counter-parts to insinuate that by passing one test, I am "highly qualified" to teach in that given area. Let's just say that I somehow managed to bumble my way through the Praxis for Algebra. I PROMISE you, I am not an Algebra teacher. Now hopefully, there is a safety net for this... Maybe someone would look at my transcripts, see my 'D' in Pre-Calculus and realize that no more math happened for me in college after that. But, who knows really? Also, what about those people who are really brilliant in a subject area, but are terrible test takers? Maybe it is just another one of those areas where I have to trust the process. Still, I guess I just want it known that I understand the process is stupid. I don't think we are going to have a rash of people clamoring to become teachers who aren't really qualified to do the job. We don't have enough teachers as it is. I suppose I just get frustrated with the utter stupidity of a process that doesn't improve education for anyone. Most of the people I know who are having to prove they are "highly qualified", are truly gifted teachers. There are some others, who will remain nameless (not at my school, of course :-) who couldn't teach their way out of a wet paper sack, but they are "highly qualified" under the law.

Enough of my ranting. How about a Dan and Sarah update? Danielle is doing well. She has a band contest this morning. She plays the saxophone. I really believe playing helps with her breathing too. Still, I had to wake her up early to get vest and treatment so that we are ready to go. Sarah is doing well again. This week I took her to the regular pediatrician because she began running a low-grade fever again. Given that she was hospitalized not even two months ago, I just wasn't ready for another trip to our CF doctor, Dr. Sindel. Dr. Dugger, her pediatrician, suggested taking the "don't just do something, stand there" approach. Her fever abated mid-week and she has been fine. I'm just feeling grateful. Just another example of the One Absolute Omnipresent Power Tool at work!

This week, we will work to fix our stairs and begin sheetrocking the laundry room. I should have a functional laundry room again soon and won't have to continue to trudge across the yard to Mom's house. My uncle laid brick in our laundry room, which simultaneously raised the level of the laundry room to that of the rest of the house. It looks gorgeous.

The picture is from Christmas. The girls were opening some of their gifts from our wonderful Unity friends in Oregon.

~Namaste'~ Christy